thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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