so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
