like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You ruined the universe
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
