dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
