You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
