Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
