My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
