You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
