Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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