You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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