I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
