The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
