he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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