Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she pinky promised me she was 18
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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