hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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