I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize