I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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