We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
