who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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