it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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