What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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