When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
