Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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