Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
