dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize