Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
