I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
