so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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