Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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