I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
