i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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