Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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