This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
