THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
