Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
