yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
