MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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