What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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