I'm really into asian looking animals
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
