Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
