Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
