God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
