Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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