I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
