when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
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I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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