last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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