I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
