i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
