I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
