Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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