She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
is that a dick in a sweater?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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