where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
