i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
