I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
