if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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