I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
