One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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