Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
