Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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