There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
