Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
