She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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