I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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