Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
