No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
