It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
