It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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