we're blogging at a bar
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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